I’ve said all of these three things before and not meant it. And when I have done that, I have verbally kicked myself when I’ve become aware of it. I get annoyed when I catch myself saying something I don’t really mean. I am committed to truth and to speak as exactly as possible.

These are three things I’ve tried to do a better job of catching and correcting.

1) “Everything is on the table for change…” 

No. No it’s not.

It sounds radical. It makes it appear as if you’re ready to take huge risks to go to the next level. But let’s be real, everything is NOT on the table for change 98.9% of the time.

The reason everything is not on the table for change is because we all have areas of our church/ministry/organization that if we were to change them, we would probably shut down tomorrow. I know, I know, I know…..if we don’t change some things we quite possibly WILL shut down, maybe sooner than anyone imagines. But it’s not THAT thing I’m talking about. It’s the stuff you know that you have to keep or you will not be able to exist.

We need to stop saying that literally everything is on the table for change unless we are willing to shut the whole puppy down, and possibly re-open it.  Otherwise, there are always non-negotiables to deal with. So when  you go before your team to discuss things say, “These ____things are off the table for change. They cannot be changed right now. But other than that, everything is on the table for change.

2) “It’s okay.”

Ralph is late for worship practice every blessed week. The guy is literally NEVER on time. He saunters in and says, “Sorry I’m late,” and you say, “It’s okay.”

But it’s NOT OKAY.

You feel like punching a wall. Ralph being late is now causing everything to drag behind and rehearsal time is running out.

Instead of punching a wall, you take another sip of your coffee. It’s synonymous with medication and momentarily soothing as you watch Ralph tune up his guitar — something he should have done 35 minutes ago, before rehearsal ever started. You are tired, so very tired of Ralph sleeping through his alarm every week and rolling into the sanctuary as you are two worship songs into the practice. You wonder how he even manages to hold down a job but still you smile and say, “It’s okay.”

In this case you do not do Ralph, yourself, or the team any favors by saying things are okay when they are not. It’s time for a calm, well-thought-out talk with Ralph about how his behavior holds the team back, and what needs to change.

3) “I’m praying for you…”

How many times do we quickly respond that we are praying when someone shares a need with us, but we never really pray?

One of my close friends shared a prayer request with me that was urgent…she was diagnosed with cancer. She let me know that only her immediate family, myself and one other person knew about it. I was curious as to why she didn’t additional people for prayer. Being that this was so serious, I thought it warranted contacting everyone available to pray. She said, “I believe that when you ask most people to pray, they don’t really follow through. I only ask people I am 100% sure will pray.” She didn’t want anyone to know her business who wasn’t really following through and praying. I got to thinking about this and it made me sad and also reminded me of the importance of truly following through.

On any given week, I receive scores of prayer requests. It is my custom to stop and say a prayer as soon as I hear a request — that way I know I have followed through. There are some requests with closer friends and family that are on my list every day to pray about. For those I might be prone to forget, I pray immediately. It’s important to remember that people are really counting on us to hold them up in prayer.

Can you think of anything that you say out of habit or obligation that you might need to take a second look at, and change what you’re saying, or at least change your approach to it?