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People sometimes see photos on social media of gatherings at our home and assume I love hosting. They’re right! I love bringing people together. But hosting takes work, and I’ve learned that a beautiful table or a delicious meal is only part of what makes people want to come back.
Before I share my favorite hosting tips, I want to say something to anyone who feels inadequate about opening their home. I’m getting ready to talk about food, dishes, and tablescapes, and you might be thinking, I don’t have anything fancy to offer. Maybe hosting isn’t for me. Please don’t let that stop you. I believe hosting well means offering the best of what you have. Whatever that is…do it.
Years ago, at our previous church, we spontaneously invited a young woman over after service for food and conversation. When we got home, I realized all we had was fresh bread, bologna, and Coca-Cola. So I pulled out our best china for the bologna sandwich, poured the Coke into our finest stemware, and served what we had! We laughed about it, and I told her, “This is all we have tonight, but we’re going to make it the best.”
That young woman later became our children’s director at the church. For years, we reminisced about the night of bologna and Coke. What stayed with us wasn’t the menu. It was the time we spent together.
That’s what guests remember most: how they felt in your home. Did they feel welcomed, comfortable, and genuinely wanted there? Offer what you have, and love the people who come through your door. The best compliment I could have is that after dinner people are comfortable enough to take off their shoes, put their feet up, get cozy with a throw blanket, and enjoy coffee and conversation.
With that in mind, here are a few things I’ve learned about hosting well.
Give people the details
Let your guests know when to arrive, what to expect, and whether they should bring anything. “Come over sometime” is kind, but a specific invitation gives someone a chance to say yes. If it’s a potluck, say so. If they don’t need to bring a thing, say that too.
I feel uneasy when I’m invited somewhere and have to guess at the details. I want to know the who, what, when, where, and how—and I suspect I’m not alone! Tell people who else will be there, preferably before you ask them to commit.
I also try to be thoughtful about whom I invite at the same time. If I know two people have a difficult history, I won’t put them in an awkward position without warning. No one wants to arrive for dinner and discover their ex—or their ex-mother-in-law—sitting at the table. Eek! This is probably not going to happen in a small gathering of just a few people, but I give this caution regarding having larger groups of people in your home without any forethought. A little consideration beforehand can help everyone relax and enjoy being together.
Prepare what you can ahead of time
I love thinking about the table, the food, and the little touches that make our home welcoming. But I also know how easy it is to spend the first half of a gathering rushing around. Preparing ahead helps me open the door and enjoy the people on the other side of it as much as possible without getting overwhelmed.
I don’t believe in keeping china tucked away in a cabinet, waiting for an occasion that may never come. If I own it, I use it! And if something gets broken, that’s okay. Things are meant to be used, and people are more important than things.
I have several sets of china and enjoy mixing and matching them. When I set up multiple tables, each one might look a little different. I also love cloth napkins, stemware, and a special tablescape—not every time, but often. (The photo used in this post is one of my favorite table settings that I use. I usually use a centerpiece of one of my tea pots with flowers for this.) These days, I usually set the tables the day before. Trying to do it all on the day of the gathering leaves me too tired to enjoy it. I also keep clear glass serving trays and dishes on hand because they work with just about any table setting. I have a habit of collecting these from thrift stores. I find some beautiful crystal serving dishes there, to add to my collection.
The same principle guides my menu. I’m always collecting recipes I can prepare ahead and put in the oven on the day of the gathering. I love recipes from The Pioneer Woman and Nicole McLaughlin at Allrecipes, and Martha Stewart is my queen! I follow just about everything she does.
Often, I’ll prepare the main dish and some sides the day before, then make homemade rolls or biscuits on the day of the gathering. People seem to go a little crazy for fresh bread, and it’s one thing I can enjoy making without spending the whole day in the kitchen.
Consider how your guests feel about pets
My two dogs are my world, and they’re as gentle as can be. I honestly don’t think they’d bite a robber if one broke in! Still, I know some people are afraid of dogs, even friendly ones.
When I have a few friends over who know and love them, the dogs stay out with us. For a larger gathering, I make arrangements to keep them safely and comfortably in their crates. I don’t want someone to spend the whole evening on edge because my dogs are nearby. Part of welcoming people into my home is thinking about what will help them feel comfortable once they’re there.
Make sure the restroom is ready for guests
Before anyone arrives, I make sure the restroom is clean and stocked with extra toilet paper. I put out fresh hand towels and soap, and I like to light a candle so the room smells lovely. These small touches help guests feel comfortable and cared for throughout their visit. My favorite candles these days are from Goose Creek. I use them almost exclusively, and I give them as gifts more often than anything else. When guests come over, you can count on finding a Goose Creek candle burning somewhere in my home.
Welcome people as they arrive
Greet your guests at the door, or, if you’re hosting a large gathering, ask someone to help you. Yesterday morning, I had 25 women over for brunch. I was still putting on the finishing touches when they began to arrive, so I asked our children’s pastor, Michele, to greet them at the door. I hadn’t planned for that ahead of time, but I was grateful she could help. Next time, I’ll ask someone beforehand!
Once guests are inside, introduce them to others, especially if they don’t know anyone. Don’t leave someone standing alone, wondering where to go or whom to talk to. I’ve been in rooms where I felt included right away, and I’ve been in rooms where I didn’t. A hostess can make all the difference.
When someone visits our home for the first time, I like to say, “Welcome to our home! We’re so glad you’re here.” If I’m hosting a group, I take a moment to tell everyone that too. It’s simple, but I want each person to know I’m glad they came.
Let guests know what you’re serving
If I’ve prepared a buffet, I give everyone a quick overview of the food. Sometimes I make cards to label the dishes, but most of the time I simply tell guests what’s there. That’s especially helpful when a dish has a sauce or gravy and its ingredients aren’t obvious. No one should have to guess what they’re putting on their plate!
Before the gathering, I also ask about food allergies and other dietary needs, including whether anyone is vegetarian. Knowing ahead of time helps me make sure there’s something each person can enjoy. Even when there are no particular needs to plan around, I like to offer a variety of foods so guests have choices.
Pay attention without hovering
Notice whether someone needs a drink, a seat, or an introduction. Then give people room to relax and talk. Hospitality isn’t about managing everyone’s experience every minute. It’s about being attentive enough that they feel cared for.
Let your guests see that you’re enjoying them
This one matters to me. If I spend the entire evening apologizing for the house, the food, or something I didn’t get done, my guests may start to feel like their visit has caused me stress. Most people didn’t come to inspect my home. They came to spend time together. I want them to know their presence is a joy.
I’ve hosted gatherings with plenty of planning, and I’ve welcomed people when life was full and everything wasn’t quite as I imagined it. What I remember afterward is rarely whether a dish turned out perfectly. I remember the conversations, the laughter, the encouragement, and the people who felt comfortable enough to relax and have deeper conversations. Speaking of conversations…
The best entertainment is conversation
I’ve been to gatherings where the host felt pressure to plan a game, a movie, or some other activity so everyone would have fun. There’s nothing wrong with those things, but I don’t think every gathering needs an activity. My favorite evenings have been spent sitting around a table, talking long after the meal was over.
As a hostess, I try to help those conversations get started. I might introduce two people who share an interest or ask a question everyone can enjoy answering. If conversation starters don’t come naturally to you, a question jar can help. There are also games such as The Hygge Game and We’re Not Really Strangers that offer prompts, though I’d choose the questions with the group in mind. Guests who have just met may enjoy lighter questions, while close friends might welcome a deeper conversation.
The goal isn’t to make everyone take a turn or share more than they want to. It’s to help people connect—and then give the conversation room to go wherever it goes.
Have a plan for clean up
When people come over, I usually leave the cleanup until after they’ve gone home. We may clear the table, but the dishes can wait in the sink. I’d rather spend that time visiting with our guests than washing plates, and I don’t mind taking care of them later.
For larger gatherings, I make a plan ahead of time. Yesterday at our brunch, after we ate, our women’s pastor, Linda Klippenstein, and I spent time speaking with them in the living room while my husband graciously handled the cleanup. When Larry and I host church leaders or sectional ministers together, we sometimes arrange for a few people to help us so we can both spend time with our guests.
I don’t expect guests to clean up when I’ve invited them over. It’s different with close friends when we’re just hanging out and someone naturally lends a hand. But for a hosted gathering, I want my guests to relax and enjoy being there.
The bottom line
You don’t need a large house, expensive decorations, or a perfect menu to be a great hostess. Start with an invitation. Make room for people. Be glad they’re there.
Next week, I’m turning the conversation around: How can we be the kind of guest a hostess loves to welcome?
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