How to Stop Caring What Other People Think and Obey God Fully

One of the greatest forms of bondage in life is constantly managing other people’s opinions. Trying to avoid criticism, misunderstanding, and embarrassment is exhausting.

Please understand, the last thing I want to do is hurt people. I care about loving people well. But I have also learned something difficult over the years: sometimes people are upset simply because you kept going and they didn’t.

Continuing to move forward to achieve your goals is not cruelty.There are people who become uncomfortable when you pursue your goals, develop your gifts, or walk through doors they wish had opened for them. Instead of dealing with their disappointment honestly, they project it onto you. That is not your fault.

Let me tell you a story.

 

Storytime with Deanna…

 

I have been writing most all my life. I honestly cannot remember a time when I was not writing. As a little girl, I collected words the way other children collected crayons. My mother used to laugh about how I used the word “indubitably” correctly in a sentence before I was even old enough to start school. Writing was never just something I did. It was part of who I was. And I never stopped even when life became overwhelming, or when I had babies, or when I was exhausted. I didn’t stop writing during busy seasons anymore than I would decide to stop brushing my teeth because I was busy. Writing is my daily habit.

So even when the kids were babies, I got up early before my children woke up. I stayed up late after they went to bed. I wrote during nap times on an old typewriter while the house was finally quiet for a few precious moments. Even before I ever received a book contract many years later, I spent decades writing articles, developing my craft, and honing my voice. Over thirty years of quiet, consistent work went into what people now see publicly.

Meanwhile, there is someone I know in ministry who also loved writing in her younger years. When she became a mother, she stepped away from writing and speaking almost entirely for many years, probably 25 or so. That was her choice, and I do not judge her for it any more than I want people to judge me for continuing to pursue my calling while raising children.

But later, when she tried to re-enter those spaces, she became frustrated that the same opportunities were not opening for her.

At one point she asked me, “Why you?”

To me, the answer felt obvious.

I never stopped. While she paused for twenty-five years, I continued building, learning, writing, practicing, growing, failing, improving, and showing up.

That does not make me better than her.
It simply means seeds watered over decades eventually produce fruit.

If you live long enough and lead long enough, you eventually realize something important:

No matter what you do, someone will have an opinion about it.

That does not mean you should stop.

At some point, you have to decide whether you are going to spend your life obeying God or managing perceptions.

I often tell people:

“It’s only embarrassing if you care what they think.”

The same is true of many other things. It only holds power over you if you hand people authority they were never meant to have.

Here are five practical ways to stop caring so much about what other people think.

 

Decide whose voice matters most

 

You cannot simultaneously be led by God and ruled by people’s opinions. Eventually one voice will win. Make sure it’s the right one.

Galatians 1:10 asks: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?”

That verse forces us to confront something uncomfortable: approval can quietly become an idol. Some people never fully step into who God created them to be because they are terrified of criticism. They worry about becoming someone’s lunch conversation or group text topic. Friend, you have to care less about what is being said at tables where God never assigned you a seat.

Ironically, I have often discovered that negative conversations about me actually introduced people to my work. Someone hears my name criticized, looks me up online out of curiosity, reads something I wrote, and realizes the conversation was wildly inaccurate.

You cannot build your life around trying to control narratives.

 

Stop looking sideways

 

Racehorses wear blinders for a reason. Without them, they become distracted by movement around them.

I often tell people that the only person I’m competing with is myself. I wake up everyday competing with me, and the competition is fierce! I want to be a better everything than I was yesterday. And nobody is harder on me than me.

I don’t have time to look over and see what the supposed “competition” is doing. I’m too busy building the next room (not just the next table!).

Many people lose momentum because they spend too much time watching everyone else. They fixate on who is cheering for them, who is uncomfortable with their growth, who approves, who disapproves, and who seems ahead. Meanwhile, they neglect the assignment God actually gave them. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is put the proverbial blinders on and focus on your own lane.

Not everyone is supposed to understand your calling. As someone once wisely said, “It wasn’t a conference call.”

 

Accept that obedience often feels vulnerable

 

Most acts of obedience in Scripture looked foolish before they looked powerful. Noah built an ark before rain existed. Peter stepped onto water. David ran toward a giant.

Obedience often feels uncomfortable long before it feels rewarding.

If you wait until you feel completely confident, admired, and understood before moving forward, you may wait forever. Part of maturity is learning how to tolerate being misunderstood without abandoning what God told you to do.

As part of moving forward as a leader, I have had to get used to discomfort, silence, awkwardness, embarrassment, and in some cases…losing people. It’s okay…everyone can’t go with you where you are going.

 

Realize most people are thinking about themselves

 

Most people are not analyzing you nearly as much as you imagine they are. They are consumed with their own insecurities, fears, responsibilities, disappointments, and desires.

I often tell people: “People are not always against you as much as they are for themselves.”

That realization is strangely freeing.

Once you understand this, you stop overthinking every possible reaction. You become more willing to take healthy risks, try new things, create, lead, speak up, and pursue the dreams God placed in your heart. If you truly understood how little most people were thinking about you, you would probably move forward much faster.

 

Build a life you respect

 

Self-respect is super important. If you can’t respect who you are and what you stand for why should anyone else? One of the best ways to stop obsessing over other people’s opinions is to become deeply anchored in your own values.

Know what you believe.
Know why you do what you do.
Know who God created you to be.

When you become settled in those things, outside noise loses volume.

You stop feeling the need to explain every decision, or panic over people talking about you, or shift to make other people comfortable. What develops is not arrogance or rebellion. It is a settled soul.

At the end of the day, I would rather obey God imperfectly than spend my entire life trying to appear polished, impressive, safe, or unembarrassed.

Some of the best things in my life happened on the other side of looking foolish.

So if God is asking you to move forward in some area of your life, maybe it is time to stop looking sideways.

Put the blinders on.

And go.