I’ve been married 37 years now, going on 38 in June. I’ve never been married before that, so this actually is my first rodeo, but I’ve been doing it for a looooooong time. And I can tell you 3 things Larry and I do for each other that changes everything for us in the best possible way, and are part of the reason we are still married…

Be a faithful witness to your partner’s life

In the movie Shall We Dance, Susan Sarandon has a unforgettable part in the movie where she says this about marriage:

Ummm wow. Every time I watch this clip, tears spring up in my eyes. It’s one of the most beautiful descriptions I’ve ever heard of what marriage is truly about.

So…this goes both ways, but I’m just going to share about what Larry does for me.

Larry has been a witness to my life for 40 years, ever since we started dating. He has been with me over twice as long now as the period of time before we met, and he has had a front row seat to where I came from, what I’ve had to overcome and what I still have to contend with on some level. He has been faithful to me, standing loyally by my side all this time.  He knows the things about my life and family that outsiders may never believe…but are true. And not only has he stood with me but he has been as committed as I have to creating the kind of life we want going forward. You can’t put a price tag on that or even fully describe in words what that means. So be a witness to your spouse’s life — a faithful and true one. There is no substitute for this and you can only get it out of a long term marriage.

Pray for your husband or wife

The greatest breakthroughs in my life have come through prayer and marriage is no exception to that. It’s THE go to, for everything. The past two weeks I have dealt with one of the nastiest colds I have ever had. For quite a few nights, I couldn’t breathe laying down and so I sat up and propped myself up with pillows just to breathe. For a while I was hardly getting any sleep. At one point I was so miserable and as I was sitting there in bed, I said, “Babe, I really need you to pray right now.” He didn’t even hesitate, and quickly reached out to take my hand and begin to pray over me. I was finally able to get some sleep that night. But more than that, I felt so warm and cozy inside to hear him pray over me, knowing I was so loved and cared for. There’s nothing like having a husband or wife pray over you. In fact, I think it’s one of the most romantic things you can do. My husband prays for me and I become like putty in his hands. But I digress…

Be a life-giving partner

Years ago Larry and I went to a marriage retreat and the speaker said that there are two kinds of people in the world — energy producers and energy zappers, and the majority of people we deal with are zappers. Very few are life giving. Our spouse is supposed to be one of the relationships in our lives that is life-giving or energy-producing. When they aren’t, marriage is much more challenging.

Larry and I haven’t always been life-giving to each other. We’ve failed at times. Lots of times. But we’ve also learned a lot about this and improved.

There are many things I could share but to give some examples of the past week and the life-giving things he did for me that didn’t go unnoticed:

• Every day he was concerned about how I was feeling physically and he suggested getting the vaporizer out and he set it up every night beside the bed so I could sleep better.
• Every day he made significant time to be with me although he had one of the longest work weeks ever, putting in well over 13 hour days most of the week doing a major renovation for our church.
• Every day he took time to listen and care about things I needed to talk about and let me know he was there in whatever way I needed him to be.
• Every day he spoke adoringly about me to the people he was with. (I know because it got back to me.)
• Every day he told me he loved me numerous times.

All of these things are gold.

None of them cost anything monetarily. All of them meant the world.

Having the marriage of your dreams is not about anything material, and all about how you treat one another.

Try these three things and see if I’m right.