At a recent conference, I joined a panel on mentoring. The conversation was rich, and the questions were worth keeping—so I’m sharing my full Q&A here with the questions that were specifically directed toward me.
Titus 2:3-4 says:
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live… to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women…” Titus 2:3-4
Question 1: What does the Titus 2 model look like in a modern context, especially across generations that often think so differently?
In a modern context, it looks like authentic relationship, not hierarchy. It looks more like sisterhood than authority. It’s not older women bossing younger women around…it’s women of all ages being in real relationship. Yes, respectful relationship. Honoring relationships. But also, relationships where the older learn from the younger, knowing they have something valuable to offer the other way around as well. I learn a lot from the people I mentor.
In modern settings, mentoring can take place in so many ways beyond just in-person meetings. It can happen through a text, a FaceTime call, a Zoom, or even through social media.
And just as importantly—it’s a two-way conversation, not a monologue.
Question 2: What makes a mentoring relationship thrive—and what causes it to fizzle?
A mentoring relationship flourishes where there is mutual respect and honor for the mentor’s investment. Proper expectations and boundaries cause it to thrive; inappropriate ones cause it to fizzle.
What will immediately cause a mentoring relationship to fizzle with me personally is if the mentee does not respect my time or my investment.
Let me clarify… I’m not trying to turn people into clones of me. They are their own person. I don’t expect to control them or have them do everything my way. They need to be the authentic person God created them to be. But I do need to know they respect my time and investment—or I’m done.
One of my rules of thumb, both when I’m being mentored and when I’m mentoring someone, is this:
The person being mentored makes the adjustment to meet on the mentor’s terms.
I know the value of mentoring, and I will always have a mentor in my life until I die. So when I ask someone to invest in me, I do whatever it takes to meet on their terms. That means contacting them how they prefer, when they prefer, and where it’s convenient for them. I don’t ask them to drive to me. I’m asking for their investment—so I go to them. I rearrange my schedule to meet with them.
For example, I’m not really a “text” person. But if my mentor prefers texting, I’ll primarily text them. By the same token, if my mentees text me, I redirect them where I can communicate on my laptop. They’re asking for the favor—so they meet on my terms. I don’t want someone I have to chase down, and I won’t make my mentor chase me down either.
You show your mentor how serious you are about learning by the way you honor their time and investment. Again, that doesn’t mean you copy them or let them control you. But it does mean that if a meeting is set for 8:00, you don’t stroll in at 8:30. You thank them for their time, you speak honorably of them and to them. I don’t have time to mentor everyone who asks. So if someone is going to be disrespectful I will quickly move on to someone who values what I’m giving.
Never “bite the hand that feeds you”—during mentoring or long after. Disrespect kills a mentoring relationship, and once that line is crossed, trust is hard—sometimes impossible—to rebuild. Value mentoring at every stage, and don’t burn the bridge. Familiarity can breed contempt; some end up dismissing the very people who helped build the platform they’re standing on. It’s easy to outgrow your humility and slide into dishonor—which is spiritually and relationally dangerous. You may need that bridge again, so don’t fracture it. Honor the hand that fed you—and keep honoring it for life.
Question 3: What practical advice would you give to a woman who feels unqualified to mentor others?
If you wait until you feel qualified, you’ll never start anything. Start where you are.
You will reach people no one else can. You can mentor people in a way nobody else can.
Mentorship isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress.
You don’t need to have it all together to pour into someone else; you just need to be a few steps ahead and willing to be honest about your journey. As a professor, many times I’m learning something days or even hours right before my students. That’s okay!
Also, remember that the power is in your story—especially the parts you’re tempted to hide. If you feel like hiding it, that’s probably the very thing that will change a mentee’s life. Why? Because few people talk about it, and hearing it can be transformative. I’ll never forget being a twenty-something co-pastor when a seasoned female co-pastor in her fifties mentored me. She shared private struggles in her marriage and how they affected their co-pastorate. That single conversation may have helped me more than any other when it came to pastoring with my husband. Her counsel was pure gold—precisely because she was willing to take me into the hard places she’d been and teach me from there.
God uses your scars as street signs for someone else’s path.
Start simple. Invite one woman to coffee. Ask how she’s doing. Listen more than you talk. You’ll be amazed how God uses your availability even more than your ability.
And remember: the Holy Spirit is the ultimate Mentor. You’re not mentoring for Him—you’re mentoring with Him.
Final Thought
Mentoring isn’t about being perfect or powerful,,,it’s about being present. It’s women walking together, across generations, refusing to let fear, comparison, or pride divide them.
When we live the Titus 2 model in modern times, we create a legacy of discipleship that’s relational, real, and rooted in grace.
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