My husband Larry bounded into my office at work, carrying my suitcase. “You’re all packed!” he said with a smile. “Grab your purse and let’s go!”

“Where are we going?” I asked, bewildered that he was at my workplace in the middle of the day.

“I’m taking you away on a surprise trip! We’ll be gone for four days. Everyone here already knows, and we’re leaving now.”

My assistant, Judi, stood by beaming at me like I had just won the lottery.

I stared at her in shock, then slowly glanced back at Larry, feeling my face flushing. This wasn’t romantic swooning. Suddenly I leaned forward and threw up while clutching my chest. I began to have sharp pains that felt like a heart attack. As I was standing there gripping my chest, staring at puke on the floor, Larry looked at me in disbelief and sadness and said, “What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?”

Speaking haltingly through tears I said, “I am going to come back in four days and stand in front of several groups of people and tell them, ‘I’m sorry. I have nothing for you. My husband planned a big surprise for me the last four days, and I am unfortunately not prepared.'”

Four days from this surprise trip were several meetings and speaking engagements that I was not yet adequately prepared for. Taking the surprise trip with Larry meant there would be no time to get ready for the meetings unless I spent part of our time away working. He would be so hurt, and understandably so!  I felt overwhelming pressure, and instead of feeling blessed, my anxiety was out of control.

At this point, I woke up in a sweat with my heart beating wildly.

It was only a dream! Thank God. But it was my dream this past Friday night.

It felt so real.

It was such a vivid dream.

When I woke up, I couldn’t shake it. I didn’t get back to sleep for a while, Then, I couldn’t get it out of my mind the past few days. I’ve been processing.

Earlier on in our marriage, Larry surprised me a lot. I lived out the scenario I just shared, numerous times. There were occasions that we went out on what I thought was a dinner date, and he had my bag packed and waiting for me in the trunk of our car, unbeknownst to me. Suddenly we would pull into a hotel parking lot and I’d ask, “Why are we here?” and he’d say, “Because we’re staying here the next two nights!” And I would feel like the luckiest girl in the world and not someone who was about to throw up.

I realized when I woke up from this dream that I have no margin in my life anymore for my husband to surprise me.

Worse than that, I have left no margin for God to surprise me either.

Our dreams often tell us things we need to know, for real.

I realized upon awakening from this nightmare that I need to go back and read the book Margin by Richard Swenson. And more than that, I realized I need to do what the dang book says! It’s time to stop talking about it and actually DO IT.

In his book, Swenson says:

“The conditions of modern day living devour margin. If you are homeless, we send you to a shelter. If you are penniless, we offer you food stamps. If you are breathless, we connect you to oxygen. But if you are marginless, we give you yet one more thing to do.”

This is so true.I was talking with someone a few years ago and said, “If I have one more thing placed on me, I will crack.” And she said, “I’m really sorry about this, but I need you to do _______________________.”

True story.

I kind of wish I could have just cracked in half right there in front of her eyes, just for effect to make her feel guilty for putting one more thing on me when I said not to. And, then hopefully God would have miraculously put me back together again after he cracked me in half for effect. (Sigh.) If only.

I am confessing right here in front of God and everybody that I have a problem leaving white space on my calendar. People pressure me to fill it, or I fill it on my own because I really want to do things and don’t want to have to miss out on anything. But I know that doing this is clearly not best for me. It’s causing me to have nightmares about throwing up and having chest pains over a beautiful surprise.

Who needs to change this aspect of your life, with me? Maybe we can make a fresh effort, together.

Dr. Swenson who wrote Margin is a medical doctor and he shares the prescription he gives many of his patients.

Symptom: Pain

Diagnosis: Overload

Prescription: Margin

Prognosis: Health

He says that a majority of his patients who are experiencing pain are really experiencing a lack of margin that is causing the pain. It makes so much sense, doesn’t it?

Usually I share helps in my writing. But, I’m showing up with this problem, having not yet solved it in my life. Who am I to give the 7 helps to solve this, when I’m floundering too?? So I thought rather than share the helps today I will share three of my realities today in case it might help someone get a reality check in their own life.

I don’t have margin because I don’t create it

It’s not up to other people to carve out my margin. If I don’t have margin, it’s my fault. Is the pressure to give up margin real? You bet. It’s awful at times. But at the end of the day, I don’t have it because of me.I know I have to take personal responsibility for my marginless life.

I don’t have margin because I avoid pain

I don’t enjoy hard conversations. What healthy person does? I have difficult conversations all the time — it’s required for anybody who is a good leader.They can be painful, but crucial. Creating margin on a regular basis is going to require a lot of hard conversations in my life and disappointing people I really love. In short, I need to brace for impact and delve in.

I don’t have margin because I care a lot about people

This is not a bad thing, to care about people. But even caring can get out of whack! The reality is, sometimes I care so much about people that I don’t care enough about myself. My friend Laura is always telling me I need to parent myself better. I’ve got to create some more boundaries. Like any other gift — mercy, sympathy, empathy, serving, etc. can get out of balance. I have had to remind myself many times that just because something is a burden doesn’t make it a call.  A need comes to my attention and I always want to meet it. But realistically, I can’t.  There are times my heart is saying yes but my body is crying out, “No!” because it’s exhausted. I need to listen not only to my emotions — but my body. I am seeing the need to parent, and re-parent myself better.

Does this resonate with you?

What do you need to do to develop white space in your life? If this is your struggle, I invite you to share it with me in the comments as well as anything God has spoken to you about how to move forward. I really believe we can do this together. Let’s build enough white space in our lives that a surprise will be an amazing blessing and not make us want to throw up.