When Your Pastor Is the Family in Need:
Why Churches Must Care for Their Leaders

I want to start by saying this: I’m not writing this because I personally need more income.
Larry and I are very well cared for, and we’re grateful.

But there was a time when that wasn’t the case.

And I know this post will only be truly understood when written by someone who isn’t struggling financially right now—because otherwise, it can sound like begging. So today, I’m speaking on behalf of the pastors and their families who are still struggling.

The Box Story

Years ago, when Larry and I were pastoring in another location, a woman in our church came to me with a box of donated items. “Pastor Deanna,” she said, “I want to bless a family in need. I know you’ll know exactly who could use this.”

I thanked her sincerely. When she left the room, I peeked inside the box and whispered to myself, “We are that family.”

I took the box home. We used what was inside.

At that time, our income was below the poverty line for our county. We qualified for food stamps. Our kids qualified for a free school lunch. My mother-in-law bought their school supplies. We postponed buying sneakers another month, even when their shoes had holes.

And no, I didn’t feel guilty keeping that box. The giver had asked me to bless a family in need—and we were that family. I simply did what she asked.

When the Church Sends a Message

A close friend—also a pastor’s wife—once told me about the Sunday she broke down in tears. Her husband’s salary hadn’t been raised in years. Their family was barely getting by.
The board said there were no funds available to increase their salary. Then one Sunday, guest missionaries came to speak. The church was moved by their presentation and raised over $11,000 in a single service to send them back to the field. My friend slipped out of the sanctuary, tears streaming. She couldn’t help but wonder, “What message does this send to us? Are we not worthy of that same care as these missionaries?” (Make no mistake, it was not that my friend did not think missionaries were deserving of support. She was simply hurting over her family’s lack of basic necessities and wondered why the church wasn’t moved by their need.)

Why I’m Writing This

It’s Pastor Appreciation Month, and I want to say what many can’t.
Because I can.

I’m not writing this about our current church—we’re in a healthy place. I’m writing for the pastors and spouses who are still living that story.

If you’re a church member reading this:
Do you know what message your church is sending by how you care—or don’t care—for the needs of your pastor?

God’s Word is clear:

“Elders who do their work well should be respected and paid well, especially those who work hard at both preaching and teaching.”
— 1 Timothy 5:17-18

Maybe you wonder what this looks like in practicality. Larry and I once asked our former district superintendent for a guideline as to what a pastor should be paid. He said that if a church is expecting a full time lead pastor (who is not bi-vocational) then at a minimum, they should be compensated with salary and benefits at the same level as the local high school principal. That made sense to us. (Of course what the principal or the pastor would receive in any location would be a little different depending on the cost of living in that area, the demographics, etc.)

 

What the World Sees

How a church treats its pastor isn’t just an internal issue—it’s a witness.
The community notices.
The pastor’s children notice.

I’ve watched pastors’ kids carry deep wounds because of how their parents were treated.
One of our own children once went to the altar at youth camp, asking God to heal that very pain.

By God’s grace, He did.

Set Your Pastor Free to Lead

When pastors are cared for financially, it frees them to dream, to pray, to lead with clarity.
When they’re consumed with survival, just trying to figure out how they’re going to make it day to day, both they—and the church—suffer.

And If You’re Wondering…

 

When Larry and I were in this situation, we were willing to take on extra work. Bi-vocational ministry is something we respect—and most of our current staff do it. But in that situation, the board insisted when we interviewed that the pastorate was to be a full time role and they did not want their pastor to have another job. Larry and I agreed and we both wholeheartedly dove into the work of the ministry, having no other outside income. Our agreement in the interview came with a promise that as the church grew, our salary would too. Well, the church grew. It more than doubled, not only in congregation size but the church income more than doubled. Toward the end of our pastorate there, it was almost triple the income that it was when we arrived. Our salary didn’t move at a comparable level with it. We continued to serve and to trust the Lord—and we carried the wisdom of that season with us.

 

So Here’s My Ask

If your pastor is serving faithfully, doing the hard work of shepherding— make sure they’re cared for.

Ask the questions.
Have the conversations.
Do the right thing.

Because when a church honors its pastor, it honors God—and everyone flourishes.