A few years ago, my therapist told me, “Stop doing anything you can’t be happy about.”  I thought, Really? Are you serious? Who is happy clappy about everything?

I hate cleaning the bathroom. But I do it.

I detest cleaning out the refrigerator every week. But I do it.

I came to realize, I was right about this, but so was she.

I was stuck in a cycle of doing several non-housekeeping type of things that I hated, but kept doing. I continued doing them out of pressure and false expectation. I would stew about these things all the time, and complain about them ad nauseam, as though that was going to change something. It was getting me nowhere but feeling exponentially worse.

What did I do to get myself out of this funk?  I read Tommy Newberry’s The 4:8 Principle. That book changed my life and now it is my goal to re-read it once a year as a refresher. This book is a real kick in the butt about getting what you think and what you speak under control. It lays out just how complaining is a losing game, and a moment-by-moment joy sucker. The 4:8 principle is from Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Getting free starts not with your mouth, but with your mind. As Newberry says, “All lasting change is preceded by changed thinking….no area of your life is untouched by your thoughts. Your habitual thinking patterns either encourage you toward excellence or nudge you into weakness.”

Some of you reading this might think, I can’t change certain things in my life. They are beyond my control, and they are hard.

I understand. I’ve got things in my life like that, too. Everything I hated wasn’t able to change. But I was able to change the way I thought about it. I have learned when a thing in my life can’t change, I need to change my perspective about it. It takes reframing that thing. Because nothing is ever going to get better by negative thinking and speaking. Newberry says, “Thinking, talking and worrying about what you want can never bring about what you do want.”

What I was doing was actually preventing me from having the things I want.

How do you reframe something? Here’s an example: let’s say you hate your current job. You’re not doing what you want to be doing. But, you are working exclusively from home, your boss is kind, and you have great benefits. Perhaps you greatly need a virtual job in this season of your life due to family situations and obligations. Maybe you only have one car, or you are a caregiver for a family member and you need to stick close by. Instead of ragging on your job all the time, remind yourself how blessed you are to have a work-from-home job when they aren’t always easy to come by. Remind yourself of how kind your boss is, and how you could be working for a tyrant, but you aren’t.  Remind yourself of the benefits that are covering your family in a much needed time. Keep rehearsing all the blessings instead of the hard things.

Another example concerning my own life is that until recently, I harped on all the ways my husband and I were different. My thinking came from a worldly mindset, not a Godly one. Although Larry and I met during a time where online dating was not a thing, I had taken note of all of my friends and acquaintances who have participated in online dating. They have all taken surveys as a part of these apps that have matched them with their dates based upon compatibility. This led me to believe that for a couple to thrive, they needed to have a lot in common. I would say things to myself like, the problem is that Larry and I took no tangible steps such as doing surveys during our dating time to discover our compatibility factor. To add to this, I heard many couples say things like, “Our marriage didn’t make it as we had little in common…” I began to believe that commonality and compatibility were necessary ingredients to a good marriage, and especially a great one. But I have since been informed by my therapist as well as by reading some great John Gottman resources that commonality or compatibility isn’t necessarily a required ingredient for a great marriage. While Larry and I are very different, I needed to re-frame my thinking about what a great blessing it is to have a spouse who brings entirely different things to the table than I do.  We don’t need to be the same to get along or even to be in love.So much of marriage is about respecting our differences rather than fighting against them or trying to change each other into someone we’re not.

One of the most powerful takeaways for me from The 4:8 Principle is that each moment is a new beginning. We don’t have to wait until tomorrow, next week, or next month to change and see life begin to look differently for us. Every moment has the power to change our lives. I can change my thoughts and my words at this very moment and change the atmosphere of my life.

Newberry gives what he calls 4:8 Questions to instill the habit of asking a question about your life that instills a positive response. Five examples he gives are:

• What are five things I am thankful for right now?
• What are five of my strengths or positive traits?
• What are five of my best achievements so far?
• Who are the five people who love me most?
• What five things am I looking forward to in the next seven days?

Instead of ruminating on all that’s going wrong in your life, try answering these five questions.

Dwell on God’s Word, what God has done, and what’s going right.  Reframe what you see as going wrong. Watch God move as you focus on what is true, honest, just, pure, lovely and of good report.

It works.