Years ago my husband was watching an interview on TV and he said, “Babe, you’ve got to see this…”  Paralympic skier, Bonnie St. John was being interviewed about the importance of getting up quickly when you get knocked down, because even when that happens, winning the race is still possible. (She shares about it HERE.)

I will confess, when I’m down, I don’t feel like getting back up. I want to wallow in it. Rolling around in the disappointment feels satisfying for a while. But, I’ve discovered that making that choice doesn’t move me ahead in any regard. It’s a total waste of time spiritually and also sets me back in my goals. It’s also a mark of the immature. One of my professors during my doctoral journey, Dr. Tim Gilligan told our class something I’ll never forget. He was teaching us about handling change and conflict as leaders and he said, “Your maturity is measured by your recovery time.” I never forgot that.

I have had to bounce back so many times, it has really become one of my primary soft skills. In fact, it’s a super long story but I have had to bounce back since literally DAY ONE of my life. I’ve never ever known what it’s like to not have to bounce back. In sharing keys to resilience, I want to give a disclaimer that I’m part saint and part sassy and so some of this will be sanctified and some of it may you scratching your head and saying,”what the heck?” And it’s okay.

These are five keys that help me to be more resilient:

I increase spiritual disciplines

I prioritize spiritual disciplines on the regular. There is never a time when I’m not in the Word of God to some level on a daily basis, conversing with God throughout the day whether casually or with great intention and intensity. But when I am in a bounce back time, these practices are much increased. I often have soaking worship as the backdrop of every hour of the day, and spend much more time seeking the Lord for direction.

I use playlists to psych me up to bounce back

This is where the sassy comes into play. I have spiritual warfare and soaking playlists but I also have a private pep rally playlist ready. Among other tunes, the playlist contains a bunch of JoDee Messina songs like I’m Alright, Not Goin’ Down, That’s the Way, Not Dead Yet, Downtime and the like. Sometimes when I have a bad day at work, I play these songs loudly all the way home and they fire me up to do something radically good. Which brings me to…

I take a brave step or two immediately

The key here is immediately. I’m talking THAT DAY. It’s important to do this thing the very day I get knocked down. I step out while the fires of disappointment are still ablaze, in order to feel a sense of agency. Taking a brave step immediately gives me a feeling of control, even if the brave step doesn’t work out like I hope, even if it falls flat —  just taking that step is critical to my wellbeing. It’s just one way of reminding me — I am not powerless, I am not without any recourse…I’ve got moves.,

Whatever I step out to do is not a spur of the moment idea. It’s not a total knee jerk reaction because It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while but just never pulled the trigger. As an example…

Last month I had a bad day at work. I blasted JoDee Messina all the way home and when I arrived, instead of crying in my Dr. Pepper (I’m Assemblies of God. We don’t do beer) I decided to take a step to do something I had been wanting to do but was reluctant to do. I had been wanting to pitch an article to a major magazine on a subject I had been wanting to write about for a couple years. I hadn’t done it because it’s a touchy subject that will undoubtedly result in a few hard conversations if I get something published on it. On that night after work, I sat down and wrote a pitch to what is probably regarded as the #1 Christian magazine in the world. I created the query, was pleased with it and I hit send. I had taken a brave step and it felt good. And then… I waited.

I thought it would be a miracle for this piece to sell, and I’m still probably right on that, but I was pleasantly surprised that within 24 hours I got an email back from the acquisition editor saying that she loved the idea. She let me know she was passing my idea on to the editor of the division that would be responsible to make the final decision. In the end, it didn’t sell. The acquisition editor had told me that if I hadn’t heard back within 3 weeks, the answer was no. So I’m assuming its a no. Being that this industry is rife with rejection I wasn’t surprised nor did I spend any time crying over it. I felt accomplished just by getting my pitch  in front of a significant publication, and getting any positive response at all. Now that I have a no from them, I’ll start pitching it to other publications. I can do quickly that because I already have a proposal ready that didn’t even exist before this really bad day that was the impetus for me to get out there and do something brave.

I use anger for fuel

That was exactly what I did with that article pitch. The Bible doesn’t tell us to never be angry. Anger is a natural human emotion that we feel from time to time. It’s what we do with it that matters. The Bible cautions us that in our anger, we should not sin. (Ephesians 4:26) When I get knocked down I try to use what I’m feeling to move in a positive direction instead of bottoming out, I allow the spike of energy I feel from the emotions I’m experiencing  to fuel me to take courageous steps. So many of my very best accomplishments were fueled by disappointment. Years ago I heard Joyce Meyer say, “When you’re disappointed you’ve got to get re-appointed.” The way I get reappointed is to get back up on the proverbial horse and start doing stuff I’ve been wanting to do but just haven’t had the courage to do. Anger often gives me the push I need to step out.

I prioritize connection

I’m an introvert and tend to go into my comfort zone (solitude) even more in times when I get knocked down. If left to my natural bent, I would just hunker down. But, I force myself to reach out, because it’s key to bouncing back.

How many times do you keep your knockdown private from a close friend and when they find out about it later on they say, “What?! I had no idea! You should have called me.”

When you get knocked down, it’s important to reach out because the bouncing back process is a lot easier with friends. Receiving input, encouragement and prayer from my friends has been key to thriving after a setback. A lot of the people I’m closer to and share the intimate details and deep emotions of my knock down experiences are not in my physical location. Private messaging is good, but phone calls, Facetiming and Zoom are tools that are super valuable in moving forward. Lately I’ve had a personal revelation that Zoom doesn’t have to be relegated to business meetings. I’ve been Zooming with friends on personal issues and it’s been extremely helpful.

What helps you be more resilient?