This is me with my friends Florence (91) and Frances (84). I get so annoyed everytime I hear people say, “I need to find friends my age…”  I think to myself, “Welp, you’re missing out on life…” Sometimes I tell the person that outright, and try to change their mind but I find this rarely works. With the way our culture is structured, people feel that having friends their own age or close to it is is a deep seated need, a prerequisite to being happy. I realize where this originates. From the time we are born, we are all grouped with people our age. In a hospital, the children are in the nursery, or in pediatrics. You go to a church and typically there is an infant nursery, a toddler nursery and then a kids church for the elementary age kids. And then there’s youth group. When the children go to school they are separated by age/grade.This goes all the way through twelfth grade and then they go to college where they are with people of similar ages. Only when graduating college are they finally “ungrouped,” but of course by then they are so used to being grouped by age, they feel the strong need to continue to do so. Churches have groups for all ages. The young adults. The young couples. The “golden agers” or the “prime timers” or whatever you want to call them. I understand why children are grouped according to age because of their developmental stages and the need to learn similar things at the same time. But keeping this framework for life really holds people back.

I have had greater life experiences because of spending time with all ages. One of my favorite activities as a kid was to go with my church to the nursing home and play the piano for the residents. They would request various hymns and people from our church would sing along, and then someone would bring a message and pray with them. I didn’t just have a great time at the nursing home but on the way home we would always stop to eat and I loved the conversation around the tables with the adults in the church.

My closest woman friends are 10 years younger and  10 years older, respectively. Of my friend group in Richmond (which is my second home where I have a “family of friends”), most of my friends are at least 30 years older, and in some cases more than 30 years older.  (These friends for the most part were my father Gus’s friends who became my friends.) There is only one downside to this. You have to say goodbye sooner. Beverly Guidt, one of my close friends in Richmond died last year, and my friend Frances is currently on hospice. That is literally the only drawback of having a friend so much older — you will go through more loss and funerals. But that is where the disadvantages end.

Here are some reasons diversifying the ages of your friend group is a fabulous idea:

You have wisdom on steroids at your disposal

Older people are not irrelevant or has-beens. They are gold mines of information and wisdom. They have already been down the road and just hearing their regrets and their, “if I had it to do over again,” lists will change your life. Lean in! Listen. Really listen as they speak. They are not clueless, they are the best life coaches around. They will help you avoid pitfalls, assist you in seeing red flags, and offer perspective you’ve never considered yet. And it’s not just a one-way street. It’s not just about what the older friend is going to give you. As a younger friend you can bring fresh energy and new ideas that the older friend might not be aware of. You can also give them a hand with their phone or IPad when they need it.

Opportunities and open doors

Your older friend isn’t just around for what they can give you, but the truth is, they have a lot you may not have. Being around longer – they might know more people – not to mention the type of people you need to get to your next level. I will tell you right now, you can’t get where God wants you to go just hanging around with or leaning on one age group of people. You need a diverse circle. A variety of people in your life sets the atmosphere for the opening of unexpected doors — whether professionally or personally — since each generation often has access to different networks and opportunities.

Emotional balance

When I want some calm and reassurance, I know that sitting down with Flo Bernstein and having lunch and a conversation is sure to bring calm to my spirit. She has a way about her, of smoothing over the rough edges of life. She’s been down the road before me and has excellent advice. Just feeling her warm hand in mine as she dispenses some motherly advice feels like I’ve been enveloped in a blanket of peace. At the same time, hanging out with a younger friend might show you how to have fun you weren’t aware of existed. I can’t count the number of things my friend Laura has made me aware of that I was missing out on.

It just makes sense

It is always ironic to me that young people will go to other young people for advice. A person in high school or college will ask another person – who has not lived any more of life than they have – what they should do about a life-altering decision that is on their plate. This is kind of crazy when you think about it. It is imperative to seek those who have already navigated life’s transitions whether it’s career, marriage, parenting, trauma, grief and loss, or whatever the case. When navigating the stages of life it only makes sense to seek out those who have already been there.

What about you?

What has your experience been with friendships and age? Do you attempt to have relationships with people of varying age groups?