One thing I’ve observed through the process of writing and publishing my story is that a lot of people live in terrible fear of sharing theirs. The reaction that some people have when they read my books, Worthy to Be Found and Restored, is as if I had told them I had willingly gotten into a cage with a lion. I’ve received private mail from people who said they could never do it.
One of my friends says he’ll write his story after his parents die. And that makes me sad.

Why does anybody have to DIE for a person to tell their story?

Why do we fear people so much? People who are supposed to love us?

So people who love us expect us to…suppress the truth?

Why do people have such anxiety when it comes to sharing the truth of their own life…of what happened to them?

Here are three reasons I see, and my what I think about those reasons.

People can be dismissive

“That never happened to you!” or “It wasn’t like that…” or “That’s not appropriate to share,” they say.

First of all, let me say that it’s important to never dismiss another person’s story. It’s easy to come to your own conclusion about someone else’s life. Keep in mind, you did not live their life, even if you think you know a lot about it, you don’t know it all. Therefore your long-held conclusions may be mistaken.

Another important fact to remember is that even if two people lived in the same house growing up, they still don’t have the same exact story. I have several friends who were sexually abused and were the only one of their siblings in the household who were, including those of the same sex.

Something to be prepared for in sharing your story is that others may be mistaken about the truth of your story and they may speak out and challenge you on what you are saying, in an effort to get you to stop sharing.

I have a friend who had an abortion many years ago. It was extremely traumatic for her and after God healed her, she wanted to share her story in writing as well as speak to groups. She started by writing her story and sharing it on Facebook. Her mother quickly called her and said, “Take that down! Get that off of Facebook! People in our family don’t have abortions.” My friend responded, “People in our family DO have abortions, Mom. I’m in our family, and I had one.” Her mother could not understand why in the world she would want to share this part of her life and felt she was harming the family by doing so.

If what you are sharing is about you and it is the truth, press on. Anyone who accomplished anything great has been criticized. 

People fear loss

I’ve written a lot, and I’ve lost a lot.

I’ve also gained even more.

But losses tend to stick in people’s minds more with anything. So we avoid loss if possible. It’s called “loss aversion” and it’s real.

Reading about some issues is rare simply because people are scared out of their mind about what will happen if they write openly about it. If you dare to write about some challenges in a public setting, the consequences can include loss of relationships, job, income, and a lot more.The fear of loss is a legitimate one. But is that a reason to stop sharing your story?

The fact is, we are going to have losses in this life no matter what we do. Whether we share our story or not, we will face loss. Something to consider is that if you’re going to face loss anyway no matter what you do, why not live transparently?

People compare

When you share your story others can be defensive and say, “That’s not what it was like for me!” or “That wasn’t my experience.” 

You might share that you were part of a cult and were flogged and waterboarded daily. They say, “My experience with that cult was wonderful! They are an amazing cult! Everyone should join this cult! They fed me Dove Chocolates while we listened to Whitney Houston songs… I have no idea why you’re saying all of this about my favorite cult…”

Okay so…

I’ve noticed that if someone has a differing view based on their own experience they are quick to bring that up in an effort to invalidate or shut you down. Sometimes they go on a campaign to discredit you online. They want you to be quiet because your story makes them uncomfortable.

The beauty of one’s life story is that it’s your unique story. No two are alike. If they were it would be pretty boring to hear the same exact story over and over again…and what would the point of that be? If you and I were both alike, one of us would be unnecessary.

Sharing your story isn’t a contest. It’s simply putting out there the truest sentence that you know, sentence by sentence. (Did I just use the word sentence three times in a sentence? Yes, I did. Highly unusual.) Writing your story isn’t about sharing everyone else’s same exact experience over and over again. Who wants that? But the funny thing is when you share your story no matter how crazy it sounds there will be somebody who will relate though your experiences are not identical, others who are similar join you on the journey. They say things like, “Oh my gosh, I sort of do something like that too that but I never knew anybody brave enough to admit it!” And then, boom chaka laka…you’ve just made a friend for life.

For instance, sometimes when my husband goes out of town and I really miss him a lot, I go get his dirty t-shirt out of the hamper, put it on and wear it to bed. It has the smell of his cologne still on it mixed with a little sweat and in some strange way it makes me feel like a part of him is still there.

Perhaps that’s a disgusting thing to admit, but there you go. And I guarantee some reader out there is gonna write to me and say, “Oh. My. Word. Deanna…I can sooooo relate to this!!” They are going to know, they are not a freak.

Well, anymore that I’m a freak.

And I’m not a freak.

I know, because my therapist told me I’m not.